(my)day

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Today is my day, and I will tell you, it will be splendored.

(I love the word splendored. It sounds like a made-up mash-up between splendid and adored.)

Yours will be, too. <3

marry your dreams

Unwasted

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"We laughed and laughed, together and separately, out loud and silently, we were determined to ignore whatever needed to be ignored, to build a new world from nothing if nothing in our world could be salvaged, it was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn’t think about my life at all" - Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer

Adore this book. Can't wait for the movie to come out!

I have been thinking a lot lately. Probably too much. The relationship with my son's father was the worst and the best relationship of my life. When things were bad, they were really bad. But when things were good, they were really good. He could make me feel like a million bucks, then turn around and make me feel like I was the scum of the earth. It was an off the wall, bipolar relationship if there ever was one. Regardless, I loved him extremely, exclusively, incredibly, intensely. 20 months later, with my unfortunately romanticizing tendencies, I constantly reminiscence the good times; the obnoxious singing in the car, the strange dances, the laughing so hard every single day., missing him when I walked into the restroom, calling him to talk on the way home after leaving his house. Because that's how we were. We always joked about how ridiculous we looked. How if someone was to randomly take a peak at us being us for only a minute, they would probably assume we were off our rockers. Maybe we were.

The point is, I want that kind of love again. The kind where I don't care how stupid or crazy I look because I'm having a great time doing it, and because I'm being my complete self and he doesn't care.

When I wake up to the small cries of my son letting me know he is awake in the next room, I pick him up and bring him to lay with me in my big cozy bed for our usual morning cuddle time. But then when he decides to throw up chunks of white blob all over my brand new sheets, I swiftly bring us both to the tub and wash off, even though he had a bath right before bed. After doing so, I load all the blankets and sheets in my car, hoping to not get the slosh of baby puke anywhere else. I go to my moms and stuff them in the washer And since I'm there, I'll raid the fridge and indulge on a piece of apple pie, and watch an episode of mindless reality television and think to myself, "how did Audrina get her own tv show" and better yet, "why am I watching it?" But I won't turn the tv off until it's over. Then I plop my booty into the computer chair and browse through weheartit.com, admiring the incredibly beautiful pictures and feel inspired. I will then find one that speaks to me and I will post it here.

I choose this one. I have a boy who makes me smile with his genuine sweet-ness; he even thinks the same about me. Which is a plus, don't you think? Unfortunately for both of us, I catch myself questioning, contemplating, analyzing, and basically talking myself out of any feelings I may be developing. Why would I do such a thing? Because I'm a scardy cat and have not been in a real relationship with anyone in 19 months. Which is how old my son is. Therefore, the last person I was in a true relationship was with my son's father. And if you take a look around my blog, you can tell that it obviously did not turn out well. So know it may not be hard to understand why I would be scared to make the jump and take the risk of commitment.

But then I saw the picture with the quote and I realize the beautiful truth it holds.

So this is me, being the opposite of hopeless.

be fabulous

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We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
Marianne Williamson

dismiss your fears

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There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears;

and love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears; g

et over your hill and see what you find there; with
grace in your heart and flowers in your hair
-mumford and sons

Wednesday's Words

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

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